In a perfect world, you know what to say when someone asks you if you’re married. I concede that in the scope of things, my inability to answer that simple question is only a meeger indication of how unfair life can be. However, as the profound literary reference known as “Facebook” so succinctly expresses, sometimes “It’s complicated.”
Right up front I’ll tell you, I think choosing “It’s complicated” as your relationship status is one of the most obnoxious, attention seeking social media offenses (certainly the easiest one to commit). I’m not saying I’m above it, I just tend to lean toward subtler gestures (like blasting Adele while shoveling Carmel Cone Explosion ice cream down my throat and singing simultaneously; it’s not pretty but at least I do it alone). Nothing screams, “I am so not over you and you may want to consider a restraining order” like allowing “It’s complicated” to pop up on Facebook for everyone, including your dearly departed to see. I know, I know, sometimes you need any potential future mates to see that you are incapable of deciphering the status of your relationship (though why I’m not too sure) but really, isn’t it more about “waaaa, it’s over and I can’t rip the band aid off so I’ll just do this in slow-mo”? All of my social media etiquette judgements aside, I’m really not one to talk. Like most instances of harsh criticism, mine is borne out of utter shame relating to my own true relationship status, which though I’ve opted to spare advertising on Facebook (my last vestige of pride) is … “It’s complicated”.
What does that mean? Well, in my case it means being married, separated and sharing a home with my estranged ex. I may be jumping the gun calling him my ex given the circumstances but it’s been more than three years since he proclaimed he was leaving. I spent a subsequent year and a half trying all kinds of ridiculous, though blog-worthy, attempts to reel him back in. Two children, financial constraints, a chronically traveling ex and the almighty FEAR have resulted in my prolonged residence in Limbo-land. I am surviving. And, I’ve noticed more and more that so many people are living in some kind of limbo – be it relationship, career, health, all forms of life changers either looming or in full effect.
How do you survive living in limbo? How do you thrive? When do you stay put? And when do you make a move? This is the beginning of that conversation and I have a lot to say about it. I hope you do too. For now, keep in mind…
Haste makes waste.
or is it…
No better time than the present.
Look before you leap.
He who hesitates is lost.
Sage words that help to remind us that every platitude has an equally true contradictory platitude and there is always another way to look at things.
P.S. That is actually meant to reassure you. This could be the moment to make that big decision, or not. Either way. It’ll be okay.