I can’t shake this sense of grief and preoccupation with the unfathomable loss of the families in Newtown Connecticut.
I will deal with my divorce and my daily life. But, I can’t imagine ever believing that my problems are significant again.
I don’t know if I’ll write about all of the things that I had planned to. Even having the word, “surviving” in my blog name offends me at the moment.
I have suffered significant losses in my life and certainly the demise of my marriage and dreams for my family are a couple, but, my survival was never really in peril. Or, I don’t know, maybe it was when I was fantasizing about suicide but that was still a threat from within. It’s just not comparable to the concept of an outside force plucking my precious children from me forever.
I’m sorry for my lack of eloquence. It is in honor of those families in Newtown and all the parents who have lost children, that I am turning my attention away from my mundane problems and seeking to focus it elsewhere; To look to how I can serve more, how I can embrace the life I am gifted with and I how I can cherish the children I am beyond blessed to raise.
I hope I can write things that help people in limbo. We are, of course, all in a limbo of sorts as this, our existence, is finite (at least in this realm).
I hope I can help people who are going through divorce and struggling to envision new lives for themselves and their children.
I hope I can make peace with my own shortcomings and my own losses and stay in this state of clear mindedness, knowing how lucky I am and how lucky most of us are.
And to you, who are kind and patient enough to read this emotional rant, I wish you clarity and peace and a sense of fulfillment and gratitude for all you have, even if all you have is your precious self.