When you’re in a tough spot, people don’t always show up when you need them. In fact, since my life kind of fell apart, I’ve been so disappointed and felt so alienated, it’s been hard to resist becoming a bitter bitch.
But, as disillusioned as I can feel and as awestruck by the innumerable ways I’ve felt let down, it only takes about 2 1/2 seconds for me to recall countless acts of kindness that have been bestowed upon me – some for the asking and from predictable sources – but many more from people I hardly know or have only recently become acquainted with, or even old friends who have come back into my life in spite of it being kind of a lot to take on (my “drama”). And then there are those acts of kindness that occurred long ago but had a lasting impact and bring gratitude to my heart when I remember them.
Tonight I felt a pang of sorrowful disappointment again and since I’m no dummy and I see that this is now an overplayed pattern for me, I made the switch. It’s not easy to let resentment go or to overlook perceived mistreatment but it’s the only humane thing to do for myself.
I realize that I complain here a lot on my blog even though I had resolved not to. But , the good and great in my life are not so interesting. They are simple, mundane things – a good laugh with my neighbor, a precious moment with my son, a random stroke of hope or inspiration. It’s hard to write about these things in a fashion that is relatable or noteworthy.
I want to make clear that I think complaining, commiserating, analyzing, exploring and relating are all wonderful, healthy modes of working through stuff AND there is so much more to be grateful for than to complain about.
My newest challenge is going to be how to write some positive posts that are not cheesy and/or boring. Actually, I’ll risk cheesy to be funny but promise to avoid boring you or reading like a self-help book.
I’m still going to complain. It’s inevitable. But I will try harder to come up with some more uplifting fare for you who are kind and/or crazy enough to read my blog.