But, I still believe in love.
My ex bought my kids iphones. Waaay before I ever would have. And that was a few years ago.
The ex complains that they use their phones too much (bills are too high).
I start enforcing rules and field a steady flow of complaints from my boys that I am too restrictive, too overprotective, none of their friends have these rules, etc.
Kids being kids, the bills are still too high.
The ex walks into my home this morning for an impromptu “meeting” about the most recent bill and proceeds to criticize my parenting skills and lack of responsibility in front of my kids. He also mentions that the woman he spoke to at AT&T couldn’t believe a 10 year old even has an iphone. I try to calmly point out that HE bought them their iphones!!! And, that when he did so, he opened up an entire world of issues and oversight that I, alone, have to manage and it’s actually too much for me.
He smirked and scoffed when I articulated how much I am handling. I bit my tongue. I held my breath. I tried to resist defending myself because my younger boy was crying and begging us not to fight.
It just sucked.
So, NEW RULES
1) Kids’ phones are set up with a mechanism that cuts them off after a certain amount of usage.
2) We will no longer attempt “family meetings”. That it is too damaging to the kids. From now on we can discuss privately and either one of us will relay the outcome, consequences, resolution etc, or we can just put it in writing for them.
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST CO-PARENTING IS HARD! WTF????
So, in light of all of my recent angst and the ever-mounting signs from the universe that I should finally get my divorce proceedings started, I am making an appointment with a mediator for next week!!!
It’s been over four years since my husband dropped the bomb and after countless, sometimes humorous, more often pathetic, attempts to salvage my marriage, I am finally ready.
I’m terrified. But the lure of autonomy and being “actually divorced” instead of perpetually “about to be divorced” is too strong to resist.
This is going to get interesting.
Will I end up living in my parents’ house? Will I move to a new city? Will work opportunities magically appear because I’m finally on the right track? Will my ex use our kids as emotional pawns? Will it get worse before it gets better?
I have no idea. But I’m going to hang on tight and plow ahead. And I’m going to continue to share my journey here so that I can have an outlet and work through it and especially so that you or whomever can get a good laugh or cry out of it. And maybe someone will read and relate and chime in.
I’ll admit, when my kids’ dad said he was leaving me and hitting the road, my first impulse was to hoard my children, shield them from their dad’s apparent mid-life crisis, and start a new life without him. I shoved that feeling down and never acted out or impeded his ability to see them. It just so happens he literally left the country for new career opportunities and adopted a nomadic lifestyle. It wasn’t long after his departure that I was on the phone begging him to please come home and help manage the emotional fall out that our separation was having on our kids. Continue reading