Divorce, Shame and What Century Are We In?

I have these bouts of feeling back in my skin. Thinking I’ve found my new normal and having regained my confidence, I put myself out there in one way or another — professionally, socially, romantically. Before long, I find myself cowering in my cave, wanting to shelter myself from the inevitable slings and arrows of real life.

I’m in the cave stage at the moment. Continue reading

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I, Cliché…

“Many people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75.” -Benjamin Franklin

I saw this quote last night and it hit a nerve. Continue reading

All you need is love … Bum bum ba da dum

MediaFile_269By now, I’m not supposed to be a romantic. My heart has been broken to the point of what I thought unfixable.

But, I still believe in love.

Continue reading

Holy shit! I’m making a date. To mediate!

So, in light of all of my recent angst and the ever-mounting signs from the universe that I should finally get my divorce proceedings started, I am making an appointment with a mediator for next week!!!

It’s been over four years since my husband dropped the bomb and after countless, sometimes humorous, more often pathetic, attempts to salvage my marriage, I am finally ready.

I’m terrified. But the lure of autonomy and being “actually divorced” instead of perpetually “about to be divorced” is too strong to resist.

This is going to get interesting.

Will I end up living in my parents’ house? Will I move to a new city? Will work opportunities magically appear because I’m finally on the right track? Will my ex use our kids as emotional pawns? Will it get worse before it gets better?

I have no idea. But I’m going to hang on tight and plow ahead. And I’m going to continue to share my journey here so that I can have an outlet and work through it and especially so that you or whomever can get a good laugh or cry out of it. And maybe someone will read and relate and chime in.

Stay tuned…

Spare the rod, but don’t spoil the child…

I’m happy to report that my weekend from hell paid off. It was a small victory. My son learned a little about his powers of self-restraint, boundaries and the importance of staying connected in real life and not just electronically. I can’t say he has transformed. No, he had a tantrum last night and woke up a grumpy 10 year old this morning. But, hey, I wasn’t planning on a miracle, I just wanted to imprint on him that I am not a spineless, waffling, sap who will cave in every time. Continue reading

I didn’t sell my soul…I rented it out for a worthy cause!

In a perfect world, after the arduous task of accepting that my husband was never coming back, I would file for divorce and leap into autonomy with grace and courage.

Alas, I did not construct my life in a way that makes the above scenario very plausible. Continue reading